Um...ow...

Long weekend.

Shitty day at work on Friday.  Left early.  Long story.

Then when I got home, I stepped on a weak board on the deck and crashed through.  My leg is all bruised up and I think I pulled or tore something.

So I had to take the rest of the weekend off.  And people probably think I'm turning my back on my coworkers.  But I'm not.

Whatever.

Pics are below.

I managed to use this time to finish editing all I have for TV production.  It'll be a thing of beauty.

Made a vow that all my days off work during Christmas break will be spent in the gym.  So unless my leg is more messed up than it initially looks, somebody hold me to it.

Later.

-Justin

Confidence and other things...

I am socially backward.

I dunno what it is.

I can go onstage and not shut up.  But one-on-one, I don't know what the fuck to do.  I find the only way I can hold a conversation is to turn it into a comedy routine.  If I keep them laughing, I can keep going.  But once the subject changes, I clam right back up.

I'm finding myself hanging out with more people in class, but I also find myself always being "on."  Always cracking jokes.  Never stopping.  I would say it's like I'm trying too hard, but I AM trying too hard.

And I don't know how to stop.

Since I've gained this weight back, my confidence level has dropped to sub zero.  I'm often feeling like I have nothing to give but being the funny fat guy.  Like that's my niche in my social groups and that I shouldn't leave that zone.

I've stopped even entertaining the notion that I'll find a girl.  It's just something I don't wanna try to do.  Whenever I try, I get burned.  People often tell me to stop looking and it'll come my way.  Well, I've stopped.  And still nothing.

Why can't life be like a Judd Apatow movie?  You know, everyone gathers together, helps me build my confidence, and helps me get laid.  With comedic results.  Instead, I have a comically sad story revolving around loser friends that bought me a crack whore and didn't throw me in the room until after one of them had just finished with her...

I'm sick of feeling this way again.  I'm sick of paying $30 a month for the gym for nothing.  I'm sick of frequent gout flareups and big-ass meals and guilt.  I'm sick of believing I don't deserve anything good.  I'm sick of Fat Frank whispering me his demented lullabies.

When this semester is over, I need to overhaul everything again.  How did I live like this before?  I honestly don't know.

Later.
-Justin

Been awhile...

...since I've done anything diet/workout related.  Hence the lack of updates.

This is a tough ass semester.  Still waiting for the final research paper to be assigned for Film History class. And we just got TWO (count 'em--TWO) final assignments for Lighting class.  A film project and a light plot (I can't figure out Vectorworks to save my life).

At least once these TV episodes get shot, I'll just have to edit for that class.  We'd already be done filming my episode if...well, that's another story for another day...

I figured out a new system to lose weight.  It requires a female partner, though.  One that would sleep with me.  So it would never work.  Pretty much a positive reinforcement system.

Lose 25 lbs: Makeout/boob touching
50 pounds: Colonel Angus
75: Lewinsky
100: All the way.

Yeah. It would never happen that way.

Guess I'll just try Fiji Water instead of Mountain Dew.

BTW, ten weeks without a NOS energy drink.  TEN FUCKING WEEKS.  It's getting easier.  But still trying at times...like on shoot nights...

Lemme see when I can hit the gym again.  And if 7-11 has any halfway healthy options...

Later.
-Justin

Hmm...

Haven't been to the gym in a few weeks.  And even then, that was the first time I had been there in months.

Feeling flabby and fatigued.

But on the plus side, tomorrow will mark three weeks since I've had an energy drink.  Considering I'd been having at least one (sometimes two) every day, that's big.

Trying to figure out my schedule, now that I'm in school full time, as well as at work part time.  Things are so busy that I don't get a full day off.  Ever.  That plus set strikes every month it seems.

So let's see what I already have in store.

Monday: School 1-4:15.  Drive through Norfolk traffic.  Work 6-close.
Tuesday: School 11-2:45.  Drive through Norfolk traffic.  Work 5 or 6-close.
Wednesday: School 1-5:30.  Often meet with friends afterwards, though.
Thursday: School 11-2:45.  Usually nothing after.  That might change, though, since I have to start putting in shop hours for my Production class.  But that'll be no later than 5.  And this is usually my comedy night, but I'm not in the mood for self-deprecating at the moment.
Friday: School 1-1:50.  Shop hours 3-5.
Saturday: Depends what mood my boss is in.
Sunday: See Saturday.

Well, I know Thursday and Friday evenings are free.  Just an extra mile past home.  And I always pack my iPod with me to school.  And I always wear my sweats.  Because we're always lifting heavy shit in class.

And I know next Sunday I can swing a workout after clocking out.  Maybe next Saturday, too.

And the Wednesdays I don't meet with friends, I have nothing going on.

See?  I really have no excuse to not go to the gym.

Besides, it'll make me feel better.  And feel smarter.  And feel sexier.

Bring it on!

BTW, I think I already know what I want for Christmas.  Gift certificates for Under Armour.  Best. Workout Clothes.  Ever.

Later.
-Justin

What's stopping me?

Got my workout gear set aside for tomorrow.

I have a new workout playlist.  It's called "Angry at Myself and Taking it out on the Machines."

Damn straight.

Later.
-Justin

I want...

Chinese food.

General Tso's Chicken.  Extra spicy.  With white rice.

Luckily it's after midnight.  Nothing's open.  Because the craving is strong enough that I'd be willing to put some pants on and drive out for some.

Last night Mom and I got the small freezer from the garage and put it in the side room.  Then we went to Wal Mart and went on a healthier shopping spree.  Gotta love living at home with Mommy.

Bunch of Lean Cuisine stuff, Chex Mix, grilled chicken, cereal, individual veggie thingies (that are only 1.5 grams of fat and NUM YUMMY).

Plus we have stuff for smoothies.

So when I'm too tired to go out and eat, I have options that don't involve calling Papa Johns (or Pizza Hut, whose boneless wings I just discovered).

Now if I could just get off my ass and go to the gym.  I am going twice this week.  Dammit.

I still want some General Tso's.  And a big honking Orange Mountain Dew to wash it down.

Later.
-Justin

Oops...

Eating good for two days

+

DiGiorno Pizza for dinner

=

Dun...nuh  Dun...nuh  Dun...nuh

Dundundundun Dundundundun DundunDUNDUN

SHART!


Well, on the bright side, my mom just bought a big honkin' blender.  Then she sent me on a frozen fruit spree.  So I got a bunch, along with protein powder, wheat germ, and flax seed.

One less excuse.

Okay.  Lemme recover from tonight's episode.

Later.
-Justin

Coming Attractions

The Construction of Perro Sexivo 4.0

Starts tomorrow at a gym establishment near you.

Rated R for graphic language.

The sequel, Perro Sexivo and the Quest for the V, will be rated XXX.

Later.
-Justin

And, now, some cinematic music.

I thought Fat Frank was dead...

I woke him up.

Not working out.  Eating garbage.  It's having an impact on my thought process.

I told myself I'd try to get back into the comedy scene this summer, to be more social, but I'm retreating further and further into my shell.

This needs to stop.

How often have I said that?

Friday.  Workout.  Dammit.

Before I self destruct.

I need to self construct.

Later.
-Justin

Just call me Murphy...

Foot hurting again.  But it doesn't feel like gout.  Tendonitis?  Dunno.

Ordered my new glasses on Monday.  Got them on Wednesday.  The prescription was so messed up that I had to change to my old glasses halfway home.

Then, while driving with my new glasses, my car started smoking like the old lady from Beetlejuice.

ARGH.

Luckily my brother in law fixes cars.

But what was first thought to be just the belt turned out to be worse.  Turns out the new air compressor I got in March is celebrating the 4th of July early and sparking.  It's under warranty, so hopefully I'll only have to deal with labor.  But I think I have to tow it to the place...I can't drive it that far...

As for the glasses, they admitted to messing up the right lens, but said my prescription wasn't right and needs to be fine tuned.  So guess what I'm doing on Thursday...

I just wanna work out and do things...

Dammit.

Ah, well.

Later.
-Justin