One of those emotional revelation things

I finished the rough draft of one script I was working on, Coming Distractions.  Going back to my romantic comedy, Chicks Dig Scars.

I've always had a hard time with this one.  I figured it was because it was a genre I don't usually watch. Or because maybe I thought I was more passionate about my other ideas than I was about this.

It fell on me full force while driving to work the real reason I've been putting it off.

The protagonist is me.  Or, rather, a side of me I never bring out in front of anyone else.

I've had an inkling I shared something with David, aka surrogate me.  Even acknowledged it to others.  But I didn't realize what side of me he represented, or how deeply he reflected it.

David is the romantic side of me.  The one that longs for love.  The lonely soul looking for a mate, who doesn't know where to start.

He hides some of this with humor.  Like I do.  But I take it to a way higher level than David does.  He's a bit more open with his sadness, while I refuse to admit it.  I've built the humor up like Fort Knox.  It's my defense mechanism.  And underneath the armor is something most fragile.

The only real difference between David and myself is that he's loved and lost.  I've never loved at all.

But when it comes to not being able to find love, it is both of our fault.

Okay.  I gotta get something on paper.  With this realization, I'm feeling the need to finish this script and purge whatever feelings I have.  And at the very least, I can give David a happier ending.

Later.
-Justin

It's been forever

Two years since I've visited Perro Sexivo.

Totally forgot about it.  And whenever I did remember it, I was like, whatever.

What's happened in the 2+ years since I've written?

I gained back all of the weight I lost.  And then some.

Totally hating myself for it.  But not hating myself enough to truly commit to fixing it.  Or is that not loving myself enough?

And I turned 30 last week.

I'm in a funk.

Seeing all these people around me, all happy, all in love.

Here I am.  Odd man out.

Never been laid.  Never been kissed.  Never had anybody tell me they love me in the romantic sense.

I want it.

I don't know where to start.

Later.
-Justin