Updates and stuff

I always get sick when I get days off.  WTF?

Anyhow, how was your Christmas?  I had a great one.  And surprisingly, I still have Christmas money three days after...

I did spend $70 on Under Armour.  Got some workout shirts.

My leg is a lot better.  Nothing got torn or ripped or broken.  Just one great big bruise that took over my leg.  There were a couple blood clots underneath the skin, but not in my veins, so I'm not gonna die or anything.  Still a knot on my knee, but I managed to spend the entire Christmas shopping season running around like a decapitated chicken.

So once I'm over whatever this thing is (I'm thinking chest cold, but since Mom's all sick with bronchitis, I'm treading lightly), back to the gym.  And I got craploads of giftcards for Christmas for Tropical Smoothie and Subway.  The 7/11 next to my class is gonna think I graduated.

Okay.  Time to rest.  Using my sick days to write for Film Society.

Later.
-Justin

Um...ow...

Long weekend.

Shitty day at work on Friday.  Left early.  Long story.

Then when I got home, I stepped on a weak board on the deck and crashed through.  My leg is all bruised up and I think I pulled or tore something.

So I had to take the rest of the weekend off.  And people probably think I'm turning my back on my coworkers.  But I'm not.

Whatever.

Pics are below.

I managed to use this time to finish editing all I have for TV production.  It'll be a thing of beauty.

Made a vow that all my days off work during Christmas break will be spent in the gym.  So unless my leg is more messed up than it initially looks, somebody hold me to it.

Later.

-Justin

Confidence and other things...

I am socially backward.

I dunno what it is.

I can go onstage and not shut up.  But one-on-one, I don't know what the fuck to do.  I find the only way I can hold a conversation is to turn it into a comedy routine.  If I keep them laughing, I can keep going.  But once the subject changes, I clam right back up.

I'm finding myself hanging out with more people in class, but I also find myself always being "on."  Always cracking jokes.  Never stopping.  I would say it's like I'm trying too hard, but I AM trying too hard.

And I don't know how to stop.

Since I've gained this weight back, my confidence level has dropped to sub zero.  I'm often feeling like I have nothing to give but being the funny fat guy.  Like that's my niche in my social groups and that I shouldn't leave that zone.

I've stopped even entertaining the notion that I'll find a girl.  It's just something I don't wanna try to do.  Whenever I try, I get burned.  People often tell me to stop looking and it'll come my way.  Well, I've stopped.  And still nothing.

Why can't life be like a Judd Apatow movie?  You know, everyone gathers together, helps me build my confidence, and helps me get laid.  With comedic results.  Instead, I have a comically sad story revolving around loser friends that bought me a crack whore and didn't throw me in the room until after one of them had just finished with her...

I'm sick of feeling this way again.  I'm sick of paying $30 a month for the gym for nothing.  I'm sick of frequent gout flareups and big-ass meals and guilt.  I'm sick of believing I don't deserve anything good.  I'm sick of Fat Frank whispering me his demented lullabies.

When this semester is over, I need to overhaul everything again.  How did I live like this before?  I honestly don't know.

Later.
-Justin

Been awhile...

...since I've done anything diet/workout related.  Hence the lack of updates.

This is a tough ass semester.  Still waiting for the final research paper to be assigned for Film History class. And we just got TWO (count 'em--TWO) final assignments for Lighting class.  A film project and a light plot (I can't figure out Vectorworks to save my life).

At least once these TV episodes get shot, I'll just have to edit for that class.  We'd already be done filming my episode if...well, that's another story for another day...

I figured out a new system to lose weight.  It requires a female partner, though.  One that would sleep with me.  So it would never work.  Pretty much a positive reinforcement system.

Lose 25 lbs: Makeout/boob touching
50 pounds: Colonel Angus
75: Lewinsky
100: All the way.

Yeah. It would never happen that way.

Guess I'll just try Fiji Water instead of Mountain Dew.

BTW, ten weeks without a NOS energy drink.  TEN FUCKING WEEKS.  It's getting easier.  But still trying at times...like on shoot nights...

Lemme see when I can hit the gym again.  And if 7-11 has any halfway healthy options...

Later.
-Justin

Hmm...

Haven't been to the gym in a few weeks.  And even then, that was the first time I had been there in months.

Feeling flabby and fatigued.

But on the plus side, tomorrow will mark three weeks since I've had an energy drink.  Considering I'd been having at least one (sometimes two) every day, that's big.

Trying to figure out my schedule, now that I'm in school full time, as well as at work part time.  Things are so busy that I don't get a full day off.  Ever.  That plus set strikes every month it seems.

So let's see what I already have in store.

Monday: School 1-4:15.  Drive through Norfolk traffic.  Work 6-close.
Tuesday: School 11-2:45.  Drive through Norfolk traffic.  Work 5 or 6-close.
Wednesday: School 1-5:30.  Often meet with friends afterwards, though.
Thursday: School 11-2:45.  Usually nothing after.  That might change, though, since I have to start putting in shop hours for my Production class.  But that'll be no later than 5.  And this is usually my comedy night, but I'm not in the mood for self-deprecating at the moment.
Friday: School 1-1:50.  Shop hours 3-5.
Saturday: Depends what mood my boss is in.
Sunday: See Saturday.

Well, I know Thursday and Friday evenings are free.  Just an extra mile past home.  And I always pack my iPod with me to school.  And I always wear my sweats.  Because we're always lifting heavy shit in class.

And I know next Sunday I can swing a workout after clocking out.  Maybe next Saturday, too.

And the Wednesdays I don't meet with friends, I have nothing going on.

See?  I really have no excuse to not go to the gym.

Besides, it'll make me feel better.  And feel smarter.  And feel sexier.

Bring it on!

BTW, I think I already know what I want for Christmas.  Gift certificates for Under Armour.  Best. Workout Clothes.  Ever.

Later.
-Justin

What's stopping me?

Got my workout gear set aside for tomorrow.

I have a new workout playlist.  It's called "Angry at Myself and Taking it out on the Machines."

Damn straight.

Later.
-Justin

I want...

Chinese food.

General Tso's Chicken.  Extra spicy.  With white rice.

Luckily it's after midnight.  Nothing's open.  Because the craving is strong enough that I'd be willing to put some pants on and drive out for some.

Last night Mom and I got the small freezer from the garage and put it in the side room.  Then we went to Wal Mart and went on a healthier shopping spree.  Gotta love living at home with Mommy.

Bunch of Lean Cuisine stuff, Chex Mix, grilled chicken, cereal, individual veggie thingies (that are only 1.5 grams of fat and NUM YUMMY).

Plus we have stuff for smoothies.

So when I'm too tired to go out and eat, I have options that don't involve calling Papa Johns (or Pizza Hut, whose boneless wings I just discovered).

Now if I could just get off my ass and go to the gym.  I am going twice this week.  Dammit.

I still want some General Tso's.  And a big honking Orange Mountain Dew to wash it down.

Later.
-Justin

Oops...

Eating good for two days

+

DiGiorno Pizza for dinner

=

Dun...nuh  Dun...nuh  Dun...nuh

Dundundundun Dundundundun DundunDUNDUN

SHART!


Well, on the bright side, my mom just bought a big honkin' blender.  Then she sent me on a frozen fruit spree.  So I got a bunch, along with protein powder, wheat germ, and flax seed.

One less excuse.

Okay.  Lemme recover from tonight's episode.

Later.
-Justin

Coming Attractions

The Construction of Perro Sexivo 4.0

Starts tomorrow at a gym establishment near you.

Rated R for graphic language.

The sequel, Perro Sexivo and the Quest for the V, will be rated XXX.

Later.
-Justin

And, now, some cinematic music.

I thought Fat Frank was dead...

I woke him up.

Not working out.  Eating garbage.  It's having an impact on my thought process.

I told myself I'd try to get back into the comedy scene this summer, to be more social, but I'm retreating further and further into my shell.

This needs to stop.

How often have I said that?

Friday.  Workout.  Dammit.

Before I self destruct.

I need to self construct.

Later.
-Justin

Just call me Murphy...

Foot hurting again.  But it doesn't feel like gout.  Tendonitis?  Dunno.

Ordered my new glasses on Monday.  Got them on Wednesday.  The prescription was so messed up that I had to change to my old glasses halfway home.

Then, while driving with my new glasses, my car started smoking like the old lady from Beetlejuice.

ARGH.

Luckily my brother in law fixes cars.

But what was first thought to be just the belt turned out to be worse.  Turns out the new air compressor I got in March is celebrating the 4th of July early and sparking.  It's under warranty, so hopefully I'll only have to deal with labor.  But I think I have to tow it to the place...I can't drive it that far...

As for the glasses, they admitted to messing up the right lens, but said my prescription wasn't right and needs to be fine tuned.  So guess what I'm doing on Thursday...

I just wanna work out and do things...

Dammit.

Ah, well.

Later.
-Justin

And...

Shoes are here!

And holy crap they are light.  Like, really light.

Gonna just go out with them tomorrow and see how they feel in everyday use.

Also DLed a couple TV seasons for my iPod.  Something different and lightweight to play while working out: Search for the Next Elvira and Who Wants To Be A Superhero?

Anyhow, I'm gonna watch a bit of TV.  And then watch Hall Pass.  Because I need something funny.

Later.
-Justin

Still no shoes...

Dude at Foot Locker said seven days.  It's been nine.

Maybe he meant business days.  Or maybe the Nike Free Runs are harder to find in clown size.

Just finished day one of the GNC 2-Day Body Cleaning Program.  Immediately after the first dose, I got a major case of the boom-boom-squishy-squishies.  Now I have the farty gas.

Yes, I know I'm the king of TMI.

Anywho, I can't wait to get the new shoes so I can go back to working out.

BTW, I entered my screenplay into a contest.  I'll find out the results in November.  Next paycheck, I'll have enough to enter it into another...::fingers crossed::

Okay.  Gonna relax.

Good night.

-Justin

I'm waiting...I'm waiting...

So...

Still no shoes...

Hopefully they'll be here soon.

I don't wanna go to the gym with my old ones, because I think they helped contribute to my gout flareup.  They're so worn down that they're practically tie-up slippers.

C'mon shoes...get here...

Later.
-Justin

Another "moment of clarity," or something...

This gout is the worst flareup I've had in three years.

I was around this weight three years ago.

And my diet was just as shitty.

Because of my lifestyle, I ended up losing around $260 this past week.  $150 in lost wages from calling out.  Another $110 in doctor visits/meds.

This has to stop, dammit.

I took today to make a step.  Not necessarily a complete overhaul, but a step.

Half a sandwich instead of a whole for lunch.  Grilled chicken and rice from Chili's instead of Chicken Crispers and double fries.

Also ordered some new shoes.  Nike Free Runs.  They oughta be here by next week.  My feet will have more support and I'll feel better when I exercise.  Hence, I'll be better equipped to bring Sexy Back.

Okay.  Lemme get this last piece of my screenplay reworked before the Wednesday deadline.

Later.
-Justin

Back from doc...

Got a bunch of prescriptions.  My foot should be better in a couple days.

Also got a painkiller.  First time I've ever been prescribed one for this.  Yeah.  It's that bad.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna conk out.

Later.
-Justin

To the doc...

Going to the doc tomorrow.  My foot is throbbing.  Practically has its own heartbeat.

Gonna end up missing 12 hours of work because of this crap.  Something new has to happen.

Doesn't help matters that I haven't had caffeine of any kind in two days.  And on Sunday I had two NOS energy drinks.  That's like a massive eight ball before going to rehab.

Kill me.

Well, not really.  Just cut off my foot.

Later.
-Justin

BLARRGH

No gym lately.  Last week I felt like crap.  Today I'm having a gout flareup that's driving me to the moon.

Gonna probably try to detox myself again sometime soon.  At least get the diet back on track.

I need to do something.  Crappy diet and sedentary lifestyle is turning me into a total bitch box.  When my foot gets better and my work schedule lines up again, it's off to the gym.

Okay.  Propping my foot up.  Maybe try to add this scene I feel my screenplay needs before turning it in to Screamfest.

Later.
-Justin

Bugh...

Friday's workout day didn't happen.  A simple one-hour task ended up morphing into a five/six hour pain in the ass and took up the whole day.  However, my triceps and shoulders are sore from crawling under the deck.

Something's going around, but I'm gonna try to swing by the gym tomorrow.  Even with this super fatigue and this cold sore that makes me feel like the damn Elephant Man ("I am not an animal...unless you want me to be, baby....").

Two new triggers hit me recently.

First, I discovered I'm indeed too heavy to be on the big lifty crane thingy at work.  While I like not having to be certified, I'd rather not be certified for a reason other than the baggage I'm packing on my belly.

Second, I had a run-in with a customer today that hurt me more than I let on.  Old fucker made a rude remark about my weight.  He didn't like my response when I told him we didn't carry the magic machine that would solve all of his problems.  So he told me to "enjoy some burritos."  I almost offered to bring one to his wife when I swung by after work.  Also almost told him to act his age...and die...

But instead, I shook my head and walked away.  Being paid by the hour neutralizes the Original Gangsta gene I inherited from my mom.  Otherwise I would have shoved a VHS/DVD Recorder up his ass...sideways...and then plugged it in.

Okay.  Gonna relax a bit.  Switched shifts tomorrow, so I can work out before I clock in.

Later.
-Justin

Just got...

a couple new CDs.  Gonna try a new tactic for working out and using comedy CDs instead of music.

So I bought Margaret Cho's Notorious C.H.O.  And her musical CD Cho Dependent.

Check out this mp3 from Amazon.  Nice little booster every time I hear it.

Later.
-Justin

YAY!

Finally went back to the gym yesterday.

Did 5K on the elliptical in less than 40 minutes.  First time I'd done that since last year, I believe (feel free to peruse past posts and prove me wrong).  39:49.

The back of my shirt looked like a Rorschach test when I was done.

Debating on whether to go tomorrow night after work or wait until Friday morning.  Decisions, decisions...

In other news, making better grocery shopping decisions.  Bold Party Blend Chex Mix instead of chips.  Dark Chocolate Chex Mix instead of Ben and Jerry's Cheesecake Brownie.  Green tea instead of pop.  And that was while I was Empty Stomach Shopping.  Might not sound like much, but whatever.  I think it's a good step.

Off to relax with America's Next Top Model reruns.  Pretty girls duking it out for Tyra's approval...total guilty pleasure.

Later.
-Justin

Reworking the playlist

Monday is G Day 2.0.

Working.  Then going to the gym.

My sexy isn't gonna come back simply by taking naps.

So I bought an iTunes gift card and I'm buying new music for working out.  Because my latest playlist isn't cutting it.

BTW, the Goldfrapp Remix of "Judas" is strangely brilliant.

Okay.  Off to iTunes.

Later.
-Justin

Using up my last excuse

Not feeling the greatest.  My own damn fault.  Can barely type correctly, and that's not me.

So I'm running errands on Thursday and then hitting the gym hardcore on Friday.  Kicking my ass.  Maybe hitting a few machines, too.  After all, I don't go to work the next day until 5.

Time to rearrange my playlist.

Later.
-Justin

False Alarm

Don't think I'm sick after all.

So I wasted yesterday for nothing.

Today I watched the fartknocker (my niece), so I couldn't go.

Ah, well.  Guess there's tomorrow...

Later.
-Justin.

BLAH.

Not feeling the greatest.

Dunno if I got the sickness my niece has or what.

Skipping the gym until I know for sure I'm not sick.

Later.
-Justin

One step forward, two steps back...

Haven't been to the gym since last Monday.

Gonna go this upcoming Monday.  Dammit.

Because I can't complain about how I feel unless I do something about it.  Much like you shouldn't be allowed to bitch about politics unless you vote.

Okay.  Gonna start getting ready for work in a few.  Wish me sanity...and relatively intelligent customers...and pray the sharp and/or blunt objects are out of my vicinity.

Later.
-Justin

Back on it.

BLAH.

Worked from 9:30-5.  Long, boring, useless shift with a combined customer IQ of 35.

Seriously.  LONG shift.  Long enough that I questioned my ability to get through tomorrow's shift without losing my sanity...because I felt it was already tomorrow...

Long enough that when I clocked out and headed to my car, I contemplated turning right to go home instead of left to go to the gym.

But I went.

And did contemplate turning around while searching for a parking spot.

But I hopped on an elliptical.

And did thirty minutes.

And now my foot hurts.

Ah, well.  I do feel better.  And sexier.  Glad I went.

Now I'm gonna watch a TV show I got from Netflix and relax.

Good night.
-Justin


P.S.-I got the last of my grades today.  Three A's and a B+!  3.825 average!  Soy un perro attractivo y inteligente!

Um...

Didn't go to the gym today.

Late night last night.  Didn't get to sleep until 4:30.  Totally unlike me.  But I had a great time performing.

Woke up with a killer headache.  No alcohol involved, I promise.

Just got back up from a nap that didn't accomplish much.

So I just gotta get back at it on Monday.

Later.
-Justin

Dear Justin...

It's summer.  You promised you'd go to the gym three times a week.  I'm holding you to it.  Because these shackles are starting to hurt.

And when school starts again, don't give any excuses.  Your schedule still allows for time to work out.  Those who want something will find a way to get it.  Those who don't find excuses.

So you'd better get back at it.  Together, we can put Fat Frank on life support.

With love, and everything it takes to get you laid,
Perro Sexivo

5/4

Crashing down.

I went back to the gym today.  Like I said I would.

However, I didn't eat enough before jumping onto the elliptical.  So I could only do 4K.  But that's still 30 minutes of cardio.

Walking back down the stairs, I felt like Jello.  Made myself sick.

Feeling better now that I've got a protein bar and protein shake in my system.

Looking forward to Friday's workout.

Soy un perro sexivo!

Later.
-Justin

5/2, Post Workout

Yes, ladies and gentlemen.  I went to the gym today.

First time in three months.

I decided to just do cardio today, and ran 5K in 40:13.

Feeling good.  Very good.

And I am looking forward to doing it again on Wednesday before work.  Working on a new workout playlist as I type.


Yes, I may have fallen.  But I'm picking myself back up.  And that's what's important.


Later.
-Justin

So. Yeah.

I just bought a new armband and headset for my iPod.

And classes are over.

I have no excuse to not go to the gym on Monday after work.

If I have explosive diarrhea, I just won't do the abdominal machines.

Later.
-Justin

Hey...

Remember when I said I was going to the gym the other day.

I lied.

Well, not at the time.  Psychic lie?

Gonna try on Wednesday before work.


Once finals are over, I'm vowing to go three times a week during the summer.

Later.
-Justin

Check it out.

Here's my finished PSA for Video Project class.

And the music I used is called "Uranus, the Magician."  True story.

Long time...no see...

So.

I moved in.

Have internet.

And haven't gone to the gym.

Hence no updates.

Plus I was super busy with this screenplay for my class.  Ended up with 98 pages or pure unadulterated bloody goodness...

I said I was gonna go to the gym on Friday, but then I didn't.

So I'm gonna go tomorrow.

Gosh darn it.


Later.
-Justin

Just thought I'd let you know...

Updates are gonna be sporadic over the next couple weeks.

Monday is moving day.

And we're not having TV/internet brought to the new house until the 10th.

Yeah.  I know.

So the only access I have to the internet will be at school.  Looking up porn will be awkward.

At least after everything's unpacked, I can entertain myself without TV by going to the gym.


Later.
-Justin

Hiatus or something...

BLAH.

Just got word yesterday that we're moving on MONDAY.  So all my spare time is gonna be spent packing/moving/going insane.

And on top of that, my car is falling apart.

Why does everything happen at once?


Unrelated story.

Yesterday I went to Popeyes drive thru to get something for myself and my niece.

Yes, I know it's not the healthiest right now.  But everything's packed.

I made my order, then the guy took one look at me and said, "Don't tell me you're eating this all yourself!"

Asshole.

That totally pushed me down a few pegs.

I kept calm because I knew if I started anything I would have pulled his (equally) fat ass through the tiny drive thru window and strangled him with the headset.

Being the better person sucks.

I sent a nastygram to Popeyes management about the incident.  Said I won't go to that location because I don't want any of my money going to his paycheck, unless it went to etiquette lessons.

I just got a phone call back.  They're having a meeting with him this week and sending me some vouchers for free food.

Moral of the story: No need to insult your customers.  And also if you have a bad customer service incident, send a nastygram to the management.  They do listen.

Now if you'll excuse me, I should get my car checked out before I head to class.

Later.
-Justin

Storm Large 8 MILES WIDE music video

Twice in three days? Damn...

Went back to the gym today.  Ow.

When I first exited the locker room, the ellipticals were taken, so I figured I'd go onto the cross ramp.

I could only do six minutes on that bad boy.  My left calf started hurting like a bee-yatch.  Like a really bad strain.  Luckily, by then, an elliptical opened up.  So I hopped on before someone else got a hold of it.

My calf was really aching, to the point where I contemplated calling it a day and going back home.  But I stuck through it and after about fifteen minutes it didn't hurt anymore.  Ended up doing 30 minutes altogether on the elliptical.

Went over to the machines.  I could only do three before everything started hurting.

Normally I would have used this to bring me down.  All "woe is me, I can only do three machines."  But I'm not in the mood for that.

Instead, I am looking back at what I used to be able to do before my little gym break.  And telling myself that I was capable of doing a heck of a lot more than I am now.  And telling myself I can definitely get back to that state.  No.  Check that.  I will get back to that state.

Soon I'm going to be going back to an environment that wasn't always 100% positive for me.  It's an environment I let define me.  But during my hiatus, I realized that I am a good person and I do deserve good things.

Go ahead and tell me I'm not a fighter.  I'll kick your ass and prove you wrong.

Later.

-Justin

Back to the gym!

I did it.  I finally went back to the gym.

Did 35 minutes on the elliptical.

And that was it.

Baby steps.


Then tonight I learned that my diet changes had taken effect.  Mom wanted Taco Bell so I caved (but got a Sierra Mist).

And I felt the repercussions about an hour later.

It'll be a while before I get Taco Bell again.


Later.
-Justin

D'oh!

Total clusterfuck tonight.  Went to the gym near school and there was absolutely no parking.  That + narrow-ass roads = almost hit by three cars and a truck that I swear is lifted too high for VA standards.

By the time I got to the tunnel, it was so late that any workout would keep me up tonight.

So I'm going tomorrow.  I didn't even take my gym bag out of the car.  I have to run a couple errands and then it's time to feel the burn.

Later.
-Justin

All packed up and almost ready to go.

In between classes right now.

But I have my gym clothes packed for after Short Script.

So unless I get a bout of explosive diarrhea or the rain turns into snow, I'm going to the gym, gosh darn it.

Day eight with no caffeine.  I almost caved and bought a 5 Hour Energy at work yesterday.  Luckily, we didn't have any in stock.

I have had soda, however.  But not nearly as much as I had been recently.  Trying to limit myself to one a day.  Other than that, I'm drinking nothing but pure dihydrogen monoxide.

Wondering how this semester is gonna pan out.  Had Screenwriting II last night.  I have to produce a 100 page draft in three months.

Then I have Short Script, which is devoted to...well...short scripts.

Acting II is gonna be interesting.  The instructor is kind of a space cadet.

Video Project...who knows how that'll go.  I have somewhat of an idea, since it's the same instructor that I had for Intro to Filmmaking.  And last semester's Acting class.  And Short Script this semester.

Will I be able to handle all of this, plus work, plus standup comedy, plus the launch of Perro Sexivo 2.0?  I think I'll be able to pull it off.  But I might wanna shave my head again to avoid the temptation of ripping it out.

Later.

-Justin

P.S.-Kanye is the ultimate douche nozzle, but I couldn't resist putting this on my iPod workout playlist.

First weigh in

Had a morning meeting today.  Usual stuff.  But after the meeting I managed to sneak into the back and update my Mii on the Wii fit and weigh myself in.

And...

I lost 4.9 pounds!

Woo-hoo!

Awesome number for one week's worth of dieting.  And that's without the gym.  Just wait until I kick that in.

Next weigh in is in two weeks.  Not particularly aiming for 10 pounds next weigh in, since that's kinda lofty (first few pounds are usually water loss).  But as long as it's lower than this week, I'll be happy.

Anyhow.  Back to bed for a couple hours.  I work 3-8:30, then I perform for the first time in almost two months.  I need my sexy rest.

Later.
-Justin

If I lose a total of twelve pounds by Valentine's day, I might have to reward myself with this book.  Unless y'all can help me come up with something else worth rewarding myself with.

G-Day

Okay.  After months of schooling, finals, weather, and then recovering from a nasty cold, I am going to go back to the gym on Tuesday after school.  I've bought new music from iTunes to add to my playlist.  And I have $28 in credits leftover, too.  I'm gonna have a kick ass playlist.

I've already been sticking to my diet and seeing results.  But most importantly, I've managed to go three days without caffeine.  And for an energy drink addict, that is nothing to sneeze at.  Detox has been a bitch.

Perro Sexivo 2.0 has activated the launch sequence.

Now, if you will excuse me, I gotta run some errands and do some laundry.

Later.
-Justin

P.S.-Justin Timberlake may be a bit of a douche nozzle, but this is a good workout song.

Nintendo's a bunch of meanie-heads.

So, I registered for the Biggest Loser competition at work.

Somewhat fun, somewhat embarrassing.

Here's how it went.

The store manager set up a Wii in the back office with a Wii Fit and a balance board.  We got to make our own Mii character and register onto Wii Fit with it.

So I set mine up.  Gave it my glasses, my blue eyes, and my side part (which still hasn't come back since my venture in head shaving, but is somewhat a part of my image).  Kinda had fun with this.  Decided to give him a blue shirt.  Because that's what I wear at work.

So then the time came for the stats.  Age, height, and most important of all, weight.  Age was a matter of putting my birthday in.  Height was just adjusting a couple bars.  Then came the "fun" part.

Come on.  Do I really explain the quotations are my way of expressing sarcasm?

I got to step on the scale.

But before they would tell me my weight, they decided to up the suspense.  They tested my balance.

And, yes, I am indeed relatively well balanced.  Physically at least.  Mentally, that's for me to know and the psychologists to find out.

Then they threw up the BMI.

And, yes, I'm a fattie.  Don't remember the exact BMI (blocked it out).  The arrow didn't just climb up the meter.  It practically rang a bell like one of those Test Your Strength games at a carnival.

OBESE.

Then they finally gave me my number, in front of my store manager and the Hollister-looking participant who wants to GAIN weight (um...wrong competition, Stick Boy).

So, ladies and gentlemen, let me give you the number.  As embarrassed as I am, I do this because I firmly believe I won't be anywhere near this number again.

320

I'll admit I'm still somewhat grateful I didn't get back up to my original number of 346.  But 320 still isn't something to be proud of.  I somehow managed to gain 35 pounds in a year's time.  I was at 285 at one point.  Where did I go wrong?

To add insult to injury, my Mii suddenly stretched sideways, growing a belly and a fat butt.  Complete with stretching rubber sounds and a pop at the end.  Then it said my "real age" was 43.  My testicles dropped two feet with that news.

Then when they put my Mii character together with my boss and Skinny Guy, my Mii kept rubbing his belly like it were a damn genie lamp.

Whoever programmed the Wii Fit deserves a swift smack upside the head.

Whatever.  Now I have something to start with.  Once my mucus disappears, I am getting my ass over to the gym.  Until then, I will control the only thing I can: my intake.

I will never see 320 again.  I'll never see a 3 in the beginning of my weight again.  And dammit I'm gonna be the sexiest bitch in all the land.

Ladies and gentlemen, 2011 will see the launch of Perro Sexivo 2.0.

Now, if you will excuse me, I need to get some sexy rest.

Good night.
-Justin